Posts Tagged ‘happiness’

>So now we know the strength in Family, and that we are powerful beyond measure.  So next is, be happy!  My sis-in-love wrote a great post on it in her blog, Everyday Experiments.  A short quote from it:

Happiness is power. Happiness is carbonated consciousness. It wants to spill out and radiate and be articulated. And every time we downplay our joy we confuse our synapses. Our brain is firing smiley neurons and our mouth is short-circuiting them. Repeated happiness muffling numbs our senses. If you keep it under the surface too long, it just might stay there – a light under a bushel.
So do us all a favour. No matter what the weather, the odds, the circumstances, the company, if you’re happy and you know it, by all means, say so!  If You’re Happy and You Know It

Today I am happy.  Thirty years ago today my world started, and every day has been a new adventure.  Not every moment has been perfect, but it’s been a wild ride and I’ve loved living and learning through it. We took a bike ride this morning as a family, and I was once again reminded at how genuinely happy I am with life.  Just like riding a bike, it’s tough sometimes and kicks my butt, I get tired, hot, hungry, and ready to give up, but it’s so worth it.  Life is good.  Life is challenging.  And every challenge is met with an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to truly relish the happiness when it comes.  

And it always will, so be ready for it!

I’m going through our Family Creed and addressing each line.  The next one up is “We believe…that everyone’s feelings count.” Funny enough, my first inclination on this as a family creed is that it means that we pay attention to the feelings of our small children.  While I definitely believe that is important, I’ve been struck lately that it really means everyone.  That means us parents, too.  Specifically…it’s me as a mom.

Raising children is not an easy task.  I absolutely adore our girls–we have so much fun.  However, knowing that we are shaping the lives of a future generation…and that our household will have a great impact on what our children will become…that’s a lot of pressure.  And that sometimes can equate to major burnout.

Have you had those moments where you feel like a slave in your own house?  Where on top of cleaning the house, cooking meals, doing laundry, paying bills, accomplishing work, and trying to maintain sanity, you have beautiful little children undertow that demand your attention 150% of the time??? I’m there.  If I here “MOMMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!!”  one more time I may scream and run the other way.  (If you’ve met my youngest, you’ll know that even if I hightailed it to California, I’d still hear her).

Being a mom is a special role, and especially with small children, it’s a highly demanding role.  There is something about being the mom that requires extra nurturing, extra attention, and special boo-boo kisses that only mommies can administer.  How can you say no to a child begging for mommy’s love?

Again, going back to feelings…I want more than anything for my children to feel love in our home.  I want them to feel safe, secure, and at peace.  I want them to know the old cliche, “home is where the heart is”….and our hearts are always open to them.  I want them to feel heard, for them to know we’ll listen and weigh their words seriously no matter what their age or what the topic, and I want them to feel free to be open about their feelings, no matter what they are (I’ll add the caveat that one of our rules in the family is “no hateful talk”, so having the feeling about not liking someone does not equate an “I hate you” in our home, ever).

Now….the whole paragraph above…let’s take out the kids and put the parents in there.  It’s just as important.  It’s not just about acknowledging your children.  I don’t believe in a child-centered home.  One day, those children will leave, and if everything is centered on them, what you can end up with is a shell of who you once were.  I want to ensure that in our home, my feelings, my husband’s feelings…they are just as vital.  Our relationship is #1 in our home–taking the time to invest in each other is, to me, the best thing I can do for my children.

Showing them an example of  a loving, healthy relationship is important because this is the first and foremost impression they will carry for relationships throughout their lives.  My parents came from families with unhappy marriages/divorces…they overcame all odds to remain happily married, but they are the first to say that although their history didn’t break them, it did make them–they worked hard to establish the relationship they have now, determined not to duplicate the wounds of the past.

Finally, beyond respecting and truly listening to the feelings of your spouse, let’s get to the root of it.  Are you taking the time to listen to you?  I’m getting hit today with how hard it is for me to just let go, wind down, and take some me time.  When the girls are asleep, I relax with my husband, but sitting here tonight on “guys’ night”, I’ve thought about all the things I “need” to do–clean up the kitchen, throw in a load of laundry, answer the gobs of work emails piling up…but where is that time for me?  I get so busy doing that I forget to be.  Taking those moments to rest are so, so important.  If my cup is empty, drained, exhausted, and completely depleted, how can I pour my “riches” over to others, specifically my family?

So…take the time right now to think about you first.  How do you feel?  Have you spent time today doing something just for you to help you remember the amazing person you are?  Second, have you invested in your spouse–let them know their feelings count?  And only after these two things…make sure you wrap your arms around your precious children, no matter what their ages, and let them know that despite all the craziness live throws your way, you truly cherish them.

Line #3 of our Family Creed is “We believe in celebrating together–our faith, our heritage, our traditions.”
This is such a complex line that it’s too much for one blog.  I started writing and saw that I would never make it past the first comma without the need for another blog.  So, line #3 is divided even more, down to the key points–Faith, Heritage, and Tradition.

Traditions are those valuable things that make us feel at home. Going back to faith, I feel that the times that I question the most are the times that I hold closer to those traditional aspects of religion–the recitation and traditions of the Eucharist, Holy Communion…  When kids are young and learning their boundaries, the consistency of a daily schedule–naptime, when we eat, etc–tend to be the “home” that balances them and keeps them from freaking out.  When we are older and we are stressed, we tend to go to the habits and traditions that give us that same feeling of peace…going for a run, baking bread, meditation…whatever makes you feel at peace.

I think traditions are like that.  A tradition becomes more than a one-time occurrence when it we associate it with a good feeling.  I like to think of that feeling as home.  It’s easy to pull out the traditions around the holidays…and if you think about it, that is the time we are typically surrounded by family, and reminiscing on the comforts we remembered as home when we were children.

During Christmas time when I was young, every year Mom would read the story of “Why Christmas Trees Aren’t Perfect.”  Every Mom and Dad would put the angel on the top of the tree last, together, and pose for a picture while they kiss…making for many near-tree-toppling experiences, but lots of fun and laughter.  Every Christmas Eve, my middle brother and I would camp out in Mom and Dad’s room, making pallets on the floor and straining to hear Santa (Dad’s, don’t “ho, ho, ho” when kids are still up–we know your voice).  We always baked the traditional pumpkin pie for a meal, and my famous apple pie.

We’ve added in some new traditions now in our family–Christmas Eve we open up a gift with the girls that is a family game–no batteries allowed.  The girls get new matching pajamas every year.  Christmas Eve is with my in-laws, and I make a pumpkin roll…and Christmas morning at our house is a big breakfast and everyone is invited, then down to my parent’s for the afternoon.  On Thanksgiving, we all write down the things we are most thankful for that year–once we have a few years to choose from, we’ll then pull out past ones to read about what was important from the year before.

We have more traditions beyond just holidays, though.  Almost every meal we eat as a family, and Ladybug Girl starts us off with her prayer song:

We tuck each girl in every night with their own special lullaby, followed by lots of hugs and kisses, and in the mornings the girls pile in our bed for some quality time before we get started for the day.  I’m sure this is a tradition that won’t be as popular when they are teenagers, but for now I cherish these special times with them.

I hope to add in more and more traditions not merely to the holidays, but in our daily life.  To me, these traditions create home, and I love starting new ones and remembering the old ones, even if it was merely for a season.

What are some traditions in your home?  During the holidays?  In your daily life?

Line #3 of our Family Creed is “We believe in celebrating together–our faith, our heritage, our traditions.”
This is such a complex line that it’s too much for one blog.  I started writing and saw that I would never make it past the first comma without the need for another blog.  So, line #3 is divided even more, down to the key points–Faith, Heritage, and Tradition.

Celebrating our heritage comes through in so many ways–we are who we somewhat because of where we come from.  Although our past doesn’t define us, our perspective of the world can largely be shaped by the faith, heritage and traditions we choose to hold on to.

We have a rich heritage that includes Amish, Native Americans, and confederate soldiers.  My grandparents on my father’s side were raised Amish–horses and buggies, no electricity, thirteen and sixteen children, the whole caboodle.  My mother’s side of the family brought the Welsh and the Native Americans…the story goes that an Englishman came and swept a Native American squaw off her feet and they lived happily ever after. We still carry the olive skin and dark hair and eyes from this branch of the family tree.

My husband’s history is the deep South.  His grandmother can trace their descendants back to the Mayflower.  There are colonels and belles and even Thomas Edison in his family tree.  His relatives had a love for education and nature, and there are many foresters and naturalists in his family tree.   On his father’s side, there is a hard work ethic that came from starting from nothing and creating a family, and although the history isn’t as known on this side, the heritage they’ve passed down is still just as rich.

So what does this heritage imply for our children?  My husband brings a love of history and a passion for the South…not the “redneck” stereotype, but the true Southern gentleman.  He shares with his children all of the names of the native Southern plants; what they are, what they do, how you can survive off the wilderness…  His grandfathers taught him the importance of hard work and doing things right so that working, in my husband’s mind, is second nature.  He brings work and play together as he truly enjoys what he does, whether it’s his work with 48 Days or playing “Mr. Fix-it” around the house.  His parents fostered his imagination in a way where I am continually amazed by his creativity and the amazing things he comes up with–his time on the floor with our girls in creative play is incredible to watch.

The greatest thing from my heritage is from my Amish grandparents…this was what we carried on the most, and made the greatest impact on our whole family.  My father’s parents taught us the “best of” the Amish, in my mind.  We learned how to do things from scratch…sew, bake, grow a garden and take it from a seed to canning, applesauce, or a fresh rhubarb crisp.  I learned about farming on my uncle’s farm, and learned about flowers from following my grandpa around.  Grandma taught me how to make a perfect stitch, and that if it’s not done right, it’s not done at all.

My grandparents instilled a heritage that, although they chose to leave the Amish ways when they married, the core values and ethics flowed over to their children, their children’s children, and now on to their great-grandchildren.  I could go on and on about the people they were and the impression the made on our whole family.  They welcomed my mother, a naive “worldly” fashion model, and embraced her as one of their own…and in doing so exemplified the love and openness I admire so much as a reflection of the faith we celebrate as well.  My grandmother made such an impact on me I named my daughter after her–not only are we passing on the heritage of our family, we are passing on the family names.  (My paternal grandparents’ engagement picture)

Both of our girls are named after our grandmothers–three grandmas honored, and eight legacies in that generation that we have to thank for the heritage we know now.  We celebrate the history that is in our childhood hearts–the elements of our past and our ancestor’s past that has been stored in our souls and passed down to each generation.  We remember and relish certain things from childhood that become etched in our memory as important…and then we pass it on to our own children.

A Princeton definition of heritage is “practices that are handed down from the past by tradition”…  The practices and stories I learned from my grandparents and my husband did from his have created the crucial foundation for our own definition of family.  We are blessed to have our heritage, and the next post will go further into the traditions we’ve brought into our own home because of it.

What is your heritage?  How do you pass that down in your family?

Each week I want to address one line from our Family Creed.  The first line states “We believe in living deeply, laughing often, and loving always.”  The key element to me in this post is that second action–laughing often.  Laughter does so much more than just feel good on the inside.  It lifts any heaviness in the air, it allows you to reset your attitude, and it’s just plain fun to do.

When you live life full of passion–when you truly “live deeply”, you embrace the moment.  Back in college I read Eckhardt Tolle’s The Power of Now.  It talked about savoring the moment–truly living in the present and not wallowing in the past, or spending so much time focusing on the future that we forget about today.  It’s easy to do, especially with kids…you spend so much time planning…what to cook for dinner, where do kids need to go tomorrow, what work project is due next, what vacations are we going to do and what can we budget to handle next month, etc., etc.  Why is it that we only allow ourselves to live deeply and savor the moment when we’re on a scheduled vacation? What if we took a “mini vacation” every day…taking a moment to breathe deeply…and truly live deeply.

So, going back to laughing often.  If we are living deeply…with passion and gusto, if we allow ourselves to feel the present moment, we then have a choice.  How are those moments going to affect us?  When the kids are cranky, the bills are stacked up, and there are 300 emails to answer (maybe this is just me), how can we cope and actually enjoy ourselves?  It’s the old cliche- when life hands you lemons, make lemonade.  If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.  Whatever you want to say, the bottom line is, give a little.  Figure out how to make yourself laugh.  When I have the days where kids basically prevent me from accomplishing anything else, I figure “what the heck- let’s have some fun.”  And those are days I choose to laugh.  Often.  About anything.  Even if I have to force it at first, I need to let go and understand that some days you just have to let things slide.  Sometimes it’s not worth the battle.  Sometimes you have to remember that living deeply isn’t always about cramming everything into every moment…sometimes it’s about letting some stuff slide so you can truly enjoy the things that matter.  The things you love.  The people you love.  The people, that no matter what, you choose to love always.  So embrace them, both literally and figuratively.  Let go of the nit-picky details, order a pizza, laugh a lot, and go back to the family you love.  Always.