Posts Tagged ‘attitude’

MamaRose Shares Her Story

Posted: July 12, 2011 in Family Life Learning, What does "Education" Look Like?
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Well, well, well.  One week into a new site and I get the opportunity to do an hour-long video interview with The Homeschool Netcast Network!  Oh so coincidentally, Gerald interviewed my father, Dan Miller, the week before, so he got the perspective of a “retired” homeschool dad, so his goal was to interview me as a homeschool-ee.  However, little did he know at the time that I was embarking on a whole new endeavor with this site!

Here is the video in its entirety.  I hope it sheds some light on where we came from and what the heck we’re thinking now.  I love that Gerald asked me some hard questions not only about how/why I want to teach my kids, but threw the words the naysayers are whispering about us not knowing what we’re doing.  I love it – questions and challenges?  BRING ‘EM ON! 

And yes, you get to see Papa Gray make his grand debut by crawling in at the side around 28 minutes in.  Yes, I said crawling. Seriously – you have to watch it.

Finally, check out the “Free Stuff” page on his site.  I haven’t made it to all the links yet, but it looks like I’ll have plenty of info to get started.  Let me know what you think!

Your words (and thoughts) are Powerful

Posted: June 11, 2011 in Mama Says Namaste
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Every person you come across will be touched by you.  What impact will it be?  Will it be words like “I’m sorry, I just am not that good at public speaking” or “My hair looks awful today” or will it be “Today is the first day of the rest of your life – how exciting!”  or “I’m carrying my sunshine on the inside – how about you?”  These may be cheese-ball comments, but at let me say this: every self deprecating comment you make not only impacts you, but it gives permission for every other person to do the same.  When you say it and your children hear, that’s what they mimic.  When you say it and your co-workers hear, you end up in a contest of who’s got it worse.  When you say it and a stranger hears, they may remember how much they hate it themselves, or feel obligated to lie and cheer up your reality in hopes that you don’t pour the rain on theirs.

Don’t deny your feelings, but by God remember that you have good ones, too.  Focus on those.  Sometimes we have to be intentional and force ourselves to have the faith and the power to speak words of POSITIVE truth in our own lives even if we aren’t feeling it.  It’s amazing how we find what we’re looking for.  Look for sadness and you can always find it.  Look for sunshine…you may just see a rainbow.

I can speak about believing in yourself so much, but I have those moments of doubt as well.  I think the biggest thing is that I purposely choose to focus on the positive.  I don’t deny the negative, but I choose to run to the bright side, to cling desperately to the good in myself, in my life, and in the people I come across.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.”  ~Chuck Swindoll

Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

Posted: June 2, 2011 in Mama Says Namaste
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>So now we know the strength in Family, and that we are powerful beyond measure.  So next is, be happy!  My sis-in-love wrote a great post on it in her blog, Everyday Experiments.  A short quote from it:

Happiness is power. Happiness is carbonated consciousness. It wants to spill out and radiate and be articulated. And every time we downplay our joy we confuse our synapses. Our brain is firing smiley neurons and our mouth is short-circuiting them. Repeated happiness muffling numbs our senses. If you keep it under the surface too long, it just might stay there – a light under a bushel.
So do us all a favour. No matter what the weather, the odds, the circumstances, the company, if you’re happy and you know it, by all means, say so!  If You’re Happy and You Know It

Today I am happy.  Thirty years ago today my world started, and every day has been a new adventure.  Not every moment has been perfect, but it’s been a wild ride and I’ve loved living and learning through it. We took a bike ride this morning as a family, and I was once again reminded at how genuinely happy I am with life.  Just like riding a bike, it’s tough sometimes and kicks my butt, I get tired, hot, hungry, and ready to give up, but it’s so worth it.  Life is good.  Life is challenging.  And every challenge is met with an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to truly relish the happiness when it comes.  

And it always will, so be ready for it!

We Believe…That Everyone’s Feelings Count

Posted: March 31, 2011 in Mama Says Namaste
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I’m going through our Family Creed and addressing each line.  The next one up is “We believe…that everyone’s feelings count.” Funny enough, my first inclination on this as a family creed is that it means that we pay attention to the feelings of our small children.  While I definitely believe that is important, I’ve been struck lately that it really means everyone.  That means us parents, too.  Specifically…it’s me as a mom.

Raising children is not an easy task.  I absolutely adore our girls–we have so much fun.  However, knowing that we are shaping the lives of a future generation…and that our household will have a great impact on what our children will become…that’s a lot of pressure.  And that sometimes can equate to major burnout.

Have you had those moments where you feel like a slave in your own house?  Where on top of cleaning the house, cooking meals, doing laundry, paying bills, accomplishing work, and trying to maintain sanity, you have beautiful little children undertow that demand your attention 150% of the time??? I’m there.  If I here “MOMMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!!”  one more time I may scream and run the other way.  (If you’ve met my youngest, you’ll know that even if I hightailed it to California, I’d still hear her).

Being a mom is a special role, and especially with small children, it’s a highly demanding role.  There is something about being the mom that requires extra nurturing, extra attention, and special boo-boo kisses that only mommies can administer.  How can you say no to a child begging for mommy’s love?

Again, going back to feelings…I want more than anything for my children to feel love in our home.  I want them to feel safe, secure, and at peace.  I want them to know the old cliche, “home is where the heart is”….and our hearts are always open to them.  I want them to feel heard, for them to know we’ll listen and weigh their words seriously no matter what their age or what the topic, and I want them to feel free to be open about their feelings, no matter what they are (I’ll add the caveat that one of our rules in the family is “no hateful talk”, so having the feeling about not liking someone does not equate an “I hate you” in our home, ever).

Now….the whole paragraph above…let’s take out the kids and put the parents in there.  It’s just as important.  It’s not just about acknowledging your children.  I don’t believe in a child-centered home.  One day, those children will leave, and if everything is centered on them, what you can end up with is a shell of who you once were.  I want to ensure that in our home, my feelings, my husband’s feelings…they are just as vital.  Our relationship is #1 in our home–taking the time to invest in each other is, to me, the best thing I can do for my children.

Showing them an example of  a loving, healthy relationship is important because this is the first and foremost impression they will carry for relationships throughout their lives.  My parents came from families with unhappy marriages/divorces…they overcame all odds to remain happily married, but they are the first to say that although their history didn’t break them, it did make them–they worked hard to establish the relationship they have now, determined not to duplicate the wounds of the past.

Finally, beyond respecting and truly listening to the feelings of your spouse, let’s get to the root of it.  Are you taking the time to listen to you?  I’m getting hit today with how hard it is for me to just let go, wind down, and take some me time.  When the girls are asleep, I relax with my husband, but sitting here tonight on “guys’ night”, I’ve thought about all the things I “need” to do–clean up the kitchen, throw in a load of laundry, answer the gobs of work emails piling up…but where is that time for me?  I get so busy doing that I forget to be.  Taking those moments to rest are so, so important.  If my cup is empty, drained, exhausted, and completely depleted, how can I pour my “riches” over to others, specifically my family?

So…take the time right now to think about you first.  How do you feel?  Have you spent time today doing something just for you to help you remember the amazing person you are?  Second, have you invested in your spouse–let them know their feelings count?  And only after these two things…make sure you wrap your arms around your precious children, no matter what their ages, and let them know that despite all the craziness live throws your way, you truly cherish them.

We Believe…In living deeply, laughing often, and loving always.

Posted: January 27, 2011 in Mama Says Namaste
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Each week I want to address one line from our Family Creed.  The first line states “We believe in living deeply, laughing often, and loving always.”  The key element to me in this post is that second action–laughing often.  Laughter does so much more than just feel good on the inside.  It lifts any heaviness in the air, it allows you to reset your attitude, and it’s just plain fun to do.

When you live life full of passion–when you truly “live deeply”, you embrace the moment.  Back in college I read Eckhardt Tolle’s The Power of Now.  It talked about savoring the moment–truly living in the present and not wallowing in the past, or spending so much time focusing on the future that we forget about today.  It’s easy to do, especially with kids…you spend so much time planning…what to cook for dinner, where do kids need to go tomorrow, what work project is due next, what vacations are we going to do and what can we budget to handle next month, etc., etc.  Why is it that we only allow ourselves to live deeply and savor the moment when we’re on a scheduled vacation? What if we took a “mini vacation” every day…taking a moment to breathe deeply…and truly live deeply.

So, going back to laughing often.  If we are living deeply…with passion and gusto, if we allow ourselves to feel the present moment, we then have a choice.  How are those moments going to affect us?  When the kids are cranky, the bills are stacked up, and there are 300 emails to answer (maybe this is just me), how can we cope and actually enjoy ourselves?  It’s the old cliche- when life hands you lemons, make lemonade.  If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.  Whatever you want to say, the bottom line is, give a little.  Figure out how to make yourself laugh.  When I have the days where kids basically prevent me from accomplishing anything else, I figure “what the heck- let’s have some fun.”  And those are days I choose to laugh.  Often.  About anything.  Even if I have to force it at first, I need to let go and understand that some days you just have to let things slide.  Sometimes it’s not worth the battle.  Sometimes you have to remember that living deeply isn’t always about cramming everything into every moment…sometimes it’s about letting some stuff slide so you can truly enjoy the things that matter.  The things you love.  The people you love.  The people, that no matter what, you choose to love always.  So embrace them, both literally and figuratively.  Let go of the nit-picky details, order a pizza, laugh a lot, and go back to the family you love.  Always.

Our Family Creed

Posted: January 18, 2011 in Mama Says Namaste
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Growing up with the family I have, having basic rules for the house just weren’t enough.  Time-outs included listening to motivational tapes by Zig Ziglar (I know his voice in my sleep now) and laying out goals for the future.  Mom’s top priority was to create a “haven of peace” in our home.  Going with the 48 Days philosophy that to truly succeed you must first know yourself and know your mission, our family had a mission statement we taped on the wall:

In a safe place, people are kind.  Sarcasm, fighting, back-biting and name-calling were exceptions.  Kindness, consideration and forgiveness are the way of life.

In a safe place there is laughter.  Not just the canned laughter of television, but real laughter that comes from sharing meaningful work and play.

In a safe place there are rules.  The rules are few and fair and are made by the people who live and work there, including the children.

In a safe place people listen to one another.  They care about one another and show that they do. 

Please God, make this a safe place. ~Mary MacCracken

What wall, you wonder? The bathroom one, of course!  Where else do you go several times daily and sit/stand still without anything else to do but read something?  If you ever want your family to memorize something, I’m telling you, this is the way to do it!  (And yes, I wrote the above from memory).

Now that my girls are getting older (1 and 3), it’s time that we start really laying out the principles we want to live by.  Although I cherish the mission statement I grew up with, I was eager to find our own.  We do have our basic rules laid out by Ladybug Girl:

But a mission statement is more than that–it’s not just going over all of the “no’s”….it’s about addressing the “yeses”  the things that are most important to us as a family.  I was browsing through a random magazine one day and found it–I don’t know who to trace this to, but this is the essence of what I desire for our home, and what we have chosen to capture as our “family creed.”  This is not only in our bathroom, but on the fridge and in my wallet.

Here is what it says:

Over the next few blogs, I want to hash out each one of these statements above–to address why we chose to have them in our creed and what it means to me.  I’m excited about this and I’m eager to hear about yours.

Do you have a family mission statement (or creed)?

Train Up a Child…

Posted: June 28, 2010 in Mama Says Namaste
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How do I condense into a short blog the journey we have been on with our eldest and the long road of discipline?  I’ll give it my best shot here…
As you can see from the last blog, temper tantrums have been my life.  It got to the point of 2-3 hour meltdowns and tantrums at bedtime, us walking on eggshells, not sure when the next tantrum would erupt, and our poor child was just not fun to be around.  Enter me lamenting on Facebook, which led to a comment from my brother, father of seven, which led to many conversations with my brother and sister-in-law on my wonderful, trying, brilliant, and very strong-willed little girl.
They recommended a book, Train Up a Child, by Michael and Debi Pearl.  Now…word of precaution.  This book is incredibly fundamental.  It’s very traditional.  You really, reallyneed to take it with a big grain of salt.  A large, large grain.  Um, so large that I’m nervous recommending it.  But…this book changed our lives.

My synopsis of what I learned…raising children isn’t about just disciplining bad behavior–it’s about training and correcting them so they thrive–so I am not merely reactive to my child’s behavior but proactive in promoting the positive behavior that is important in raising future adults that are thoughtful, respectful and a joy to be around.
Spanking gets a bad rap. I completely understand why.  Seeing the parents who react in anger, who swipe up their kid and hit him on the bottom at every wayward behavior, kids that learn that you hit to get your point across…I definitely had reservations on ever spanking, even though I was spanked as a kid.  But then again…I  did get spanked as a kid.  And nope, haven’t been through therapy because of it.  I don’t actually remember anything negative from it, other than me not wanting to get in trouble.
My top tips for effective spanking vs. abuse…they have to know it’s coming.  It sounds awful, but we talk about the spanking and why she’s getting it before it happens–she knows it’s coming and she has to accept her punishment–no kicking and screaming while I hold her down.  Reason for this?  If she can’t accept a consequence for her behavior at three, how can I expect her to accept it when she’s sixteen and I have less control over it?
Next, we use a spoon…dubbed “the long arm of the law”.  Why?  Because it isn’t our hand that does the harm, first off.  It’s also something that causes a sting on the surface without lasting damage.  You don’t hear of trips to the hospital because of a wooden spoon spanking.  Using your hand to spank a bottom can damage a kids’ spine if done too hard, and also, in my opinion, is way too convenient…which means it’s more likely that you will spank in anger.
Which leads me to my biggest point.  A spanking is not to be done in anger.  Never, ever hit when you as the parent are mad.  If you retaliate to their bad behavior by displaying your own, then what you’ve passed on to your child is not the importance of good behavior, but that anything goes–it’s just a matter of who’s bigger (and who wins).
And always end with a positive-because spanking is just a minor part of discipline. We use time outs, breaks in the “reflection chair”, spanking, distractions, incentives and talking things over.  We don’t immediately rush to the spoon if a break from the situation will do. There are certain times when we have to consider that she is three–she doesn’t have a perfect grasp on why she feels the way she does (heck, I have a hard time grasping why I feel certain ways sometimes!)  There are times when lack of sleep, allergies, or high emotions take over and a hug is the best preventative discipline for her.
What it ultimately boils down to is that our goal as parents is to empower Ladybug Girl to be the best person she can be–and that means teaching her to understand her limits and how to cope in this world in a positive way.  As a child getting a grasp on her emotions, we as parents stand as her sounding board and hope to impart what we know and help her to create her own path with a firm foundation.
It’s not about spanking.  It’s not about discipline.  It’s all about training…or the more socially acceptable term–”raising” a child.  I want to be her safe haven–I want to be her listening ear and gentle guide.  I want to be there for her–literally and figuratively.  Most importantly, I want her to know she’s loved.  No matter what, I love her, and I love her enough to push her–to be the best Ladybug Girl she can be–one that has a good grasp of the world and how to be a positive light in it.
I don’t have it all figured out, and I can guarantee that both girls will throw me for a loop countless more times in the next twenty years (and beyond).  But I think all we can do as parents is the best we know at the time.  And right now I feel at peace with where we are at with discipline.  Since Nathan and I “laid down the law,” we have gotten a child that constantly comes and gives us hugs and tells us she loves us, who dances and sings 80% of time, and who is a genuinely happy kid.  The more clear boundaries we’ve laid the more secure she’s become, and I’m amazed at the little girl who’s emerging–she’s not a toddler anymore.  She has a better grasp on things than I give her credit for, and she keeps us laughing most of the time with her funny precociousness.
I feel the weight of parenting–the importance of what we do right now setting patterns for life, and we’re very, very careful about making sure we’re doing what is in Ladybug Girl’s (and now Snugglepuppy’s) best interest.  We all fail, and Nathan and I have our moments of frustrations, but the girls are rich in an abundance of loving support.  We have accountability all around us–we have so much family invested in these children that I’m confident that even if we don’t have it all figured out, we’ll be the best parents we know how to be, and we’ll have plenty of support to keep us in check if it were ever a negative effect on our children.
I’m so thankful for everyone in our lives that invests in our girls-grandparents, uncles and aunts, godparents, teachers and coaches…I’m immensely grateful for every positive influence in my girls’ lives, and I know that regardless of us having this whole parenting thing figured out, my girls will always feel our love.

Attitude Adjustments

Posted: February 22, 2008 in Mama Says Namaste
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When I was a little girl, my parents’ motto was “say yes whenever possible.”My brothers and I were the kids that could show up at school with a Superman Cape and a tutu if we wanted.We were allowed to play in the mud, play dress-up in our parents’ closet, and scream at the top of our lungs….BUT it was always within the boundaries set by Mom and Dad.They gave us the world, a little at a time.We knew our limits.Yes, we can play in the mud, but not in our Sunday clothes.Yes, we can wear what we want during playtime, but Mommy helps us pick out Sunday-appropriate clothes.Yes, we can play dress-up in our parents’ closet, but raiding Mommy’s makeup stash and covering the walls is a major no-no.And as for screaming…this was my favorite.

Sometimes kids throw tantrums—it’s their only way to get out their emotions.Sometimes they need to keep their emotions in check.Throwing a tantrum in a grocery store—not allowed.All of us knew where every bathroom was in every store.It only took a few times before we realized the rules—tantrums in public places did not give us control—it didn’t make Mommy leave, it didn’t allow us to get what we wanted, it just resulted in punishment, which for us, meant a spanking in the bathroom (which I know is unheard of nowadays).Regardless of what punishment method you use for your children, there are places where it is unacceptable to pitch a fit.The key, though, is to allow a place where they CAN.

I used to get so angry when I was little—my middle brother and I were very close, and he would pick on me and I’d get furious.I was given a choice—if I needed to vent, I could go in my room, close the door, and do whatever to get my anger out that wasn’t destructive (cry, scream, beat a pillow), but I could not do it in the living room, at a store, or by hitting my brother.I distinctly remember storming down the hall, shutting my door (not slamming it, as this was a no because of squished fingers), and screaming my lungs out.I’d cry in my pillow, scream out loud, sit around, and come back out a new person.

This brings us to attitude.My Dad would always tell me that “you are in charge of your attitude.”I could choose whether I was happy or sad, excited or mad.And when we were in a bad mood and taking it out on others, we got an “attitude adjustment,” which consisted of us sitting and listening to a motivational tape, such as Zig Ziglar or Brian Tracy.Sometimes we listened to inspirational sermons on different values that we were struggling with (being kind??!!).We learned valuable lessons during those times—it forced us to sit and think, and was much more effective than a basic time out, as we were learning principles to carry out in our lives, and new ways of handling situations.It’s funny how I’ll catch myself quoting something to my friends now that I learned during one of my “attitude adjustments.”

Now I understand that we are allowed to have every range of emotions-it’s okay to be angry or sad.It’s okay to let it out in a healthy way.But if it darkens my whole day and affects the mood of people around me—that is my fault.I have the power to feel and then move on.I can decide how my day will be.I can vent my frustrations and then be free to enjoy the rest of the day with my family.And now, when my daughter decides to scream her head off, I can be annoyed, take a deep breath, and know that I can choose to be happy anyway!And surprisingly enough, that also affects others, and my daughter usually ends up laughing with me and forgot what she was mad about in the first place!