Archive for the ‘Mama Says Namaste’ Category

Build them a fence, but give them the world

Posted: August 19, 2011 in Mama Says Namaste
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This is a previous post that has been playing in my mind lately…thought it would be a good time to come back to it…
 

Security comes to your child by more than just a blanket. Although our kids may cling to their favorite lovey or toy, the real security comes from you, their parent. And it’s not just by hugs and kisses on boo-boos, but by boundaries. Boundaries, you say? How can I be loving to my kid by saying “no, no, no”? I say you can be firm in where you stand, be strict in what is necessary, and end up having a “yes, yes, yes” world for your child.
Let me explain. Imagine you are stranded in the middle of the ocean with no land in site—it’s a scary thought. A vast sea is overwhelming to anyone, much less a small child where the world is huge anyway. Think about all the dangers, possibilities, opportunities, and curiosities there are to explore in this world. It’s daunting and overwhelming…about like trying to find a needle in a haystack (or a box of cereal in the cereal aisle). But a small bathtub is a world of fun. In a bathtub, your child can be in charge of her own sea—from one end to the other. She knows what’s all around her—she knows where the water comes from, she knows who is sitting by the side of the bathtub while she plays.
When you have a toddler who is learning independence, the world is even more of a daunting ocean—your child needs you for assurance. If I walk out of mommy’s sight, what will happen? If I throw the cup on the floor, does it disappear? If I hit daddy, is it funny? If I don’t want to go, will Mommy leave me?
Think about that last question. How many times do you play a trick on your child with reverse psychology?
“I don’t want to go!’
“Okay, fine, bye!”
Which then proceeds to a melt-down of:
“Don’t leave me!”
Will you really leave him? Can you reasonably leave a child in the middle of a crowded store? What lesson does it teach him? If I have a different opinion from Mom, and she doesn’t like it, she’s gone. What security does that instill? Instead if they know what their choices are, and the consequences that come from those choices, they in essence have a “fence” of security…much like being able to see the walls of the bathtub. Mommy makes the boundary and I’m in control of the choices I make inside it.
Security is in knowing what is allowed and what isn’t. Your child can have the world…but can they handle it? That is where you come in. You help monitor that world a little at a time. You allow them to play loose in the yard, knowing they can go anywhere in the yard within the boundaries you laid out with them. They are king of their universe…and you are the castle they come home to. You see, the more you help them lay out what is allowed and what isn’t, the more you are able to say “yes!” to their world. They know not to touch the outlets or hit their sister. They also know that their playroom is their domain and the back yard is subject to all the exploration they want.
Security comes by loving your child enough to be firm in your rules, even when they are not loving back to you. Security is knowing your little girl won’t run out in the street because she knows the consequence—it’s the same consequence you’ve given her every time. Security is your little boy knowing he is in control of whether he has a grumpy day or a happy day (remember only YOU are in charge of your attitude!), and no matter whether he likes it or not, you will NOT leave without him. He can choose whether he’ll be happy about that. Security is your child knowing that you expect respect because you give THEM respect. It’s being firm in where you stand, but always stopping to truly listen to what they feel. “There are two lasting gifts you can give your children—one is roots, the other, wings.” Give them the foundation—the rules, the consequences, and your unconditional love, no matter whether they decide to break the rules or follow them. Then give them wings to explore their world—to say yes five times more than you need to say no—to only say no when absolutely necessary (and be prepared to stand firm), and say yes to all the days in the mud, the days of dressing herself, and the moments when they truly ARE superman.
She’ll outgrow her favorite teddy bear. He’ll hang up his blanket cape. But they will always have their security in you—make it count!

What is, and what will be.

Posted: August 8, 2011 in Mama Says Namaste
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There have been lots of articles lately about raising genderless children and defying gender stereotypes, etc., etc.  When I looked into it and read about Storm and “Pop”, I had to wonder what the point of it all was.  I understand wanting to be non-conformist.  I understand wanting to raise your children outside of the box.  I understand wanting to give my children the opportunity to be anything they want to be.   But, like it or not, this world is in our face.  It’s not just my little family and me.  It’s a wild world full of judgement, misunderstanding, expectations, and ridicule.  It’s a world wrapped up in stereotypes and people trying to fight it or getting lost in it.

I don’t know if denying a stereotype is any better than embracing it – my girls love being princesses and playing dress-up.   My oldest doesn’t like “Cars” because it’s a “boy movie.”  She likes pink and purple, but also green and yellow.  My youngest can be rough and aggressive and loud.  They love to play in the dirt, finding worms and bugs to hold.  They get to pick out their clothes most of the time and may choose cowboy boots or sparkle shoes, and, although they gravitate toward feminine things, their love of toys and “cool” stuff shows no gender bias, I promise.  They get just as fascinated about water and a stick, and I’m pretty sure those can be neutral items.   I let my kids do what they want across genders, same as these other families do…mine don’t defy the norm too much, though.  So…I guess they’ve succumbed to the stereotype.

They spend all day creating their own worlds where they are capable of anything.  It seems to me that, maybe, it’s not about denying a child their gender at all.  Ultimately, these parents and I want the same thing – an environment that allows their children to explore and embrace life to its fullest.  I just happen to think that embracing life and possibility includes embracing all you are as an individual…gender included.

No parent has the perfect answer.  There is no “right” way to raise a child.  We can easily point fingers at the “wrong” ways, and I’m just as guilty of this as the next.  I guess I’d rather shift my focus on what is and what will be.

What is:

I have two beautiful girls.  They exemplify, to me, purity and innocence, brilliance and excitement, femininity and empowerment, confidence and growth.  They are female, through and through.  This in no way limits them – this is a part of who they are – like their name and their family, it just is.  “Female” doesn’t mean pink and submissive.  Technically, “female” means, quite literally, the genetic makeup and ability to produce offspring.  My impression of “female” is positive – it can be anything you want it to be.  We can bear children and men can’t.  This is a fact.  However else we define it is our prerogative, and denying the word honestly would merely deny the genetic definition.

The point of staying genderless has to be about denying the assumptions of others; that girls love princesses and boys are rough and wild.  However, I’ve seen many kids (including my own) that have been perfectly comfortable in the opposing stereotype with certain behaviors.  Some children are aggressive, some aren’t.  Some children are loud, others aren’t.   When people see my wild child running around, they don’t throw up their hands in shock because it’s a girl.  They laugh at my strong-willed, confident, friend-to-everyone little snugglepuppy.  Her behavior isn’t based on being female.  It’s her personality.  It’s who she just…is.

What will be:

I will raise two beautiful women (inside and out).  They will grow to embrace all that makes them uniquely them.  They will know the power they have as females, both the negative and the positive.  I will teach them how their femininity is something that is to be respected, by themselves and by everyone else.  It is a powerful thing that is more than merely sexual.  They are not objects, they are not trophies, and they are not insignificant.  They play an important role in this world, and their gender is a part of it.  One day they may become wives and mothers.  They may become doctors or activists.  They may become the first female to accomplish something that is dominated by males.  Who they are is significant – every part of them – including their gender.

I never thought I’d raise “girly-girls”, and I’m loving everything about them – they are influenced by the outside world, I know.  Their love of dress-up and all things feminine is largely because that’s what they are exposed to at every princess party we get invited to.  I think, ultimately, these parents raising their kids genderless aren’t that different from me in wanting to fight the pressures of the world to make their kids into something that may not fit them.  Where we differ is our understanding of what is rooted deeply in them – for me, identity can’t be neutral – identity is something that we’re always seeking and becoming more concrete in – and it includes gender.

People will make assumptions and stereotypes no matter what I do.  My daughter’s friends are going to be all variations of the gender stereotype – we’ve been to both princess and superhero parties – the birthday cake was enjoyed just the same.  Denying gender just sets up the assumption that it’s the “weird kid” or the “crazy family” and all the other horrible accusations that have been made about them.  Unfortunately, I feel that some parents’ desire to give their children the world with no gender bias has instead set them apart as outcasts or enemies of the world.

I could go deep into the ideas surrounding gender and stereotypes, but suffice it to say, I’m proud of my two little girls – the stereotypical things they embrace and also the knowledge that they are learning every day that they are free to be who they are – even if it doesn’t fit the stereotype.  My girls are already powerful beyond measure.  I’m excited to take this journey with them.

Vintage Ads and Thoughtful Reflections

Posted: July 27, 2011 in Mama Says Namaste
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On a lighter note than last week’s heavy humble pie, I just have to share some vintage ads my wonderful mother passed along to me.

Uh, yeah.  Famous last words.  In my household, my dear Papa Gray happens to be a much better cook than I am, much to my dismay (and also delight – yum!)

Seriously? God forbid we do something for us…my feminist muscles are starting to twitch….

Where is the picture of the massage? The new clothes? A stinkin’ book that’s fun??

News flash – guys can be sexy when they get off the stinkin couch, too.

Only if it comes with a coupon that says “hubby will use this every single week to keep the floors clean so you don’t have to.”  Yes, this would make me happier!

Okay, that’s it.  Be the you he likes?  Really?  What about be the me I like?  What about me? What about my needs? 

I’M THE ONE WITH THE PMS!!

Whew.  Okay.  Moving on to pathetically UN-politically correct ads…

Wow.  You just have to laugh.  We actually thought calling kids “chubbies” was PC.  So sweet, that little chubby girl.  Somehow doesn’t sound too endearing.  Then again, what does when you’re referencing weight?

I’m pretty sure that Ovaltine isn’t the cause of homosexuality.  Could be wrong, but then again, I have had Ovaltine, and I’m still straight.

I’m kind of thinking this could be taken the wrong way in this day and age…

And…the clueless…

Some day, there will be crazy machines called iPads that impersonate beer that you can shake and pour electronically!  (Although they still have yet to invent how beer could flow out of them.  I know there is a market for that)

Blow that in my face, I’ll punch your lights out.

Ah, yes – the world’s favorite babysitter.  Welcome to the original reason for people to go into “screensaver mode.”

Really.  Really?  This just fascinates me.

Last but not least, my favorite:

I guess I can debate the whole drinking while pregnant thing…but to actually use that as a marketing slant because it benefits baby?  Wow.  Gotta find me some Blatz.

Now…these ads, as far as I know, were real ads.  Which goes to show you how great the media is.  I’ve been watching a lot of crazy documentaries lately…things like Food Inc,  Collapse and Tapped… and they definitely make me think.  It’s not to say I believe everything I watch (after all, isn’t it still all media?) but I think it’s clear that media doesn’t always have our best interests at heart.  Just because we’re told something is right, the way things are, good, etc…is it really?

How much of your life is affected by ads?  By TV? Movies? News?  Are you looking at the whole picture?  

Sometimes I wonder, in our age of information, if we can’t always find something that will support the belief we want to hold. 

What do you think?

Humility Is….Parenting

Posted: July 20, 2011 in Mama Says Namaste
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Last night I had the pleasure of actually going out on a date with my husband. A real date, like leaving-children-at-home-and-being-adults time. So important in a marriage, and so, so hard to squeeze in with young kids, I know.

We went and saw a documentary at our local retro theater, the Belcourt. (Fascinating theater and story, by the way). Anyway, the movie we watched was Buck. Essentially about the man who is the real deal “Horse Whisperer” – the man who Robert Redford met and shadowed as he created the film.  It truly was a moving film about working with horses…but it hit me as something else.  It made me a little uncomfortable.  It….humbled me.

In the movie, Buck talks about his horribly abusive childhood.  He talks about the harsh realities he had in his life, and he talks about what we expect in a horse who doesn’t know how to calculate your next step.  The way he works with horses has all the patience and compassion you would show to a child.  I’ve read books which talk about investing and training your children, yet his words really touched me in a different way.

I blogged last year about the book “Train Up A Child.”  It really did change our lives and help us in our parenting.  But I can’t help but think I’m learning another lesson now, as I see how fine the line is between “training” and “controlling”.  My children are wild.  If they were horses, they’d be the buck-fifty stud stallions.  The amount of emotion and strong will is unbearable at times, and the battle of wills can go on for what seems like ages.  The older LadyBug Girl gets, the better (and more persistent) she can be about negotiating.  It’s so hard to pick your battles when sometimes you feel like all you’re doing is wading through a battlefield!

I adore my girls, I really do.  Yet do you feel me when I say there are things that make you cringe?  I quite possibly have the loudest children on the planet.  Literally.  We’re talking ear-piercingly loud.  Pretty consistently.  It’s not just screams of tantrums or when they’re hurt, it could just as much be shrieks of laughter or imaginative play.  They are just loud.  And sometimes, it builds up, louder and louder and LOUDER UNTIL I CAN’T HEAR MYSELF THINK.

I love my children.  I love being with them.  I want to be there for them and let them know they are my priority.  Yet I work from home.  I need to get work done sometimes.  Did you know that if you spend a full day hands-on playing with your kids, doing anything they want, and then sit down for five minutes on the computer to read an email, basically all your invested time is erased and they need you right now!!!!!!!!

Those little things build.  You start to ask yourself, “Am I a bad mama?”  You start to get down on yourself.  Then you start to get down on them, maybe because you’re feeling this way.  Your temper gets shorter and shorter and you find yourself frowning more.  You start to brace yourself first thing for the loudness and the chaos and why you wish they’d just be quiet for a change.

You rush to finish just one more email because they are bothering you and you can’t focus anyway, or you half-heartedly play because you know you won’t get it right anyway.   You feel like you’re failing.

Oh wait.  Not you.  Me.  I feel like this.  It’s me.  It’s my doing.  I’m humbled.  I look at where I am and somedays I don’t like what I see.

I see lack of patience with my girls.  I see lack of discipline with balancing work and family.  I see tempers rising and my anger getting the best of me versus showing them love and grace.  Some days, I try to yell louder in order to be heard, when what they need is for me to talk softer and pull them closer.  Some days, they need me to play the day away or physically get out of the house so they don’t see their mama right next to them but distant with work.

Some days, I get it right.  Really, I do.  I know that when I think I’m a bad mama, typically I am – “We become what we think about.”  I know that when I get down on myself, I tend to get down on them as well.  We all have our bad days.  Sometimes, though, watching a simple documentary on a horse is what it takes for me to step back and reflect, and renew.  Renew the passion of having a family, loving on my girls, taking them in and embracing their uniqueness, recharging with my husband, and trying this parenting thing once again.

We all stumble, but it doesn’t mean we can’t get back up.  Today, I picked myself up, and my beautiful girls were ready and waiting for me with open arms, and I remember what “Mama Says Namaste” is all about.

Have you had any humbling moments lately?

Do Facts = Education?

Posted: July 13, 2011 in Mama Says Namaste, What does "Education" Look Like?
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It’s official.  My wonderful hubby (dubbed Papa Gray) and I (now Mama Rose) are embarking on a new adventure together – a crazy adventure into the world of being our children’s teachers.  (My first thought is geesh, aren’t we that already?)  However, what I’m talking about specifically is that we are publicly broadcasting to the world our journey with non-traditional schooling.  I’m hesitant to call it homeschooling yet, because it may not follow the homeschooling model.  I’m a fan of the unschooling method, and I’m checking out a few other avenues as well.    You can follow our progress on our new site, www.FamilyLifeLearners.com.

In this post, my personal rants blog, I want to talk about a certain quote I came across:

It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated.

~ Alec Bourne

Wow – of course there is a lot of weight in this quote to argue against the traditional school model in our US culture, but I want to take it outside of that realm and have it address us all.   I know different personality styles come to play, but some people thrive on facts and figures.  Others are “education junkies” and take course after course or read millions of books…all for the sake of learning.

But… does just knowing the words and facts create a wise mind?  Oh no, my friend.  It takes so much more.  It takes bringing in the lesson to your soul, formulating them in your mind, digesting the input and deciding what to glean from it, enforcing it in your heart, and intentionally applying it to your life.  Many people learn, but unfortunately, not everyone is truly teachable.  A teachable moment is identified as when the timing is right…yet I think it goes deeper to really be about when the mind/heart is open to embrace a lesson beyond just the facts and/or words. 

What do you think?  Does knowing the facts make you wise?  What’s your definition?

What Do You REALLY Know?

Posted: July 1, 2011 in Mama Says Namaste
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>The other evening I was chatting with my best girl friend about our lives, and a revelation hit me. As a woman, especially, I can get so stuck on preparing for the future and what I am supposed to do that I can miss the major point of it all. When I was younger, I looked at what I wanted to do with my life, what degree I was going to get, who I was going to marry, if I was going to marry, etc.

I got older, went to school learning about subjects I loved, married and had children. Now it’s not just about what I am going to do, but what does the future look like for my children. I spend my days preparing:

  • I prepare/plan for at least 3 meals every day – if you add snacks in, half my day is just in planning meals! (okay, truth by told, I’m somewhat lying here. My husband happens to be an incredible cook and oftentimes it’s him preparing and cooking. However, that doesn’t help my point here. Which I’ll get to, eventually)
  • I clean the house to prepare for guests and to put myself at ease. (let’s face it – I’m a clean freak. But it makes me feel good to know that 90% of the time I can have drop-in company come over and I’m not focusing on how filthy my house is)
  • I work from home and a key focus is on product/web development. I have to think about everything we do and how it affects the future of the business.
  • I get myself cleaned up and ready for every day – I prep myself for what the day will bring.

I could go on and on about all the many things we all do to prepare for the future. Sometimes, however, the stress of not being able to anticipate the plan dominates your ability to take on the plan. Imagine packing for a trip and having no idea whether you need evening wear or hiking boots and a sweater. This, however, is sometimes how life goes…because, overall, we don’t know what the weather is going to be.

For example, the wife of an entrepreneur. A beginning entrepreneur oftentimes lives a “feast or famine” lifestyle. All businesses have their ups and downs, and when you’re calling all the shots, the downs tend to affect you in a personal way. It can be scary to not know how the future is going to play out, and I see many stay-at-home moms who are in this supportive role, yet are terrified of how the plan will play out. They stress over all the little plans of life because they are uncertain the “big plan” of the business will thrive. They crave to be able to dot their i’s and be the “hostess with the mostess” who has things under control.

Sometimes, when you’re not calling the shots in one area you feel is vital (i.e. family breadwinner) you seek to control as many other areas as possible. It gets difficult if your partner is unable to give you a play-by-play of how life is going to go!

So how do you cope? How do I cope, not being 100% on our business ventures and whether it will guarantee me the income I’d like this year? I’ll tell you what – focus on who you are vs. what your plan is. Like most of you know, 48 Days focuses on the fact that 85% of the process of finding the work you love is by looking inward. Think about this – why the focus on yourself?

The more you understand who you are, the better you are able to manage life in general. You identify your strengths, you get resources for your weaknesses. You know what is most important, and you focus on those in times of uncertainty.

I don’t know if my girls will turn on me in their teenage years. But I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they feel my love for them, and that they know every single day that I will listen to what they have to say.

I don’t know if working in a family business will be the best venture for my whole life. But I do know that no matter how much I love my work, family comes first, and if that is ever challenged by working together, I will find a new job.

I don’t know if my husband will be in as perfect health in his 70s as he is right now. But I do know that he is my absolute best friend and I will be by his side regardless of physical circumstance.

I don’t know if we’ll be in the same house/city/lifestyle five years from now. But I do know that no matter where I am, I’m with the people that matter most to me, and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

We don’t know every curve in the road of our lives, so of course, we need to figure out how to also enjoy the journey. My challenge to you is to remember who you are. Remember what is important, and rely on that – you are beautiful. You are happy. You are relishing the moment as it is. You are wonderful, radiant you. Take life by the horns and ride on, knowing that no matter what life brings, you’ll be giving it your best self.

What is your best attribute that helps you embrace life?

Embrace the Moment

Posted: June 22, 2011 in Mama Says Namaste
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This past week I went to Roan Mountain North Carolina. Staying in a little cabin in the mountains, we had no phones, no computers, no TV, not even (gasp) music playing!! (That’s a biggie for me).

However, what we had was every single moment. It’s amazing how much time passes by sitting in front of the computer or TV. When you take it all away, you have the opportunity to see every moment. Our family needed a break from it all, to just enjoy ourselves and each other. Because, ultimately, family is what it’s all about.

Hiking up in the mountains we saw incredible views and it got me thinking about how often we are looking out to the future. I’m an advocate for positive thinking, intentionally striving to become the person you want to be, and moving toward lifelong goals.

However, don’t miss the little things. Don’t pass up the opportunity to smell the flowers, as cliche as it may sound.

Don’t miss the moment to get close with those you care about. Stoop down to see the world through your child’s eyes. Follow along with their imagination and see where it takes you. Embrace the moment.

And above all, remember that these are just moments. When they are bad (and we all have bad moments), remember that – it’s a moment. It’s fleeting. A negative thing does not have to become your identity. A moment in time is a moment to take what is and look to make it good. When it’s bad, acknowledge it and let it go.

When the moment is good, stop everything and soak it in. Truly let it engulf you. Open your heart, mind, and body to the sweetness of the now, whether it’s admiring the beauty around you, a loving embrace by someone you care about, or a moment in play with a child. This, to me, is the most important part of making those moments last.

Your words (and thoughts) are Powerful

Posted: June 11, 2011 in Mama Says Namaste
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Every person you come across will be touched by you.  What impact will it be?  Will it be words like “I’m sorry, I just am not that good at public speaking” or “My hair looks awful today” or will it be “Today is the first day of the rest of your life – how exciting!”  or “I’m carrying my sunshine on the inside – how about you?”  These may be cheese-ball comments, but at let me say this: every self deprecating comment you make not only impacts you, but it gives permission for every other person to do the same.  When you say it and your children hear, that’s what they mimic.  When you say it and your co-workers hear, you end up in a contest of who’s got it worse.  When you say it and a stranger hears, they may remember how much they hate it themselves, or feel obligated to lie and cheer up your reality in hopes that you don’t pour the rain on theirs.

Don’t deny your feelings, but by God remember that you have good ones, too.  Focus on those.  Sometimes we have to be intentional and force ourselves to have the faith and the power to speak words of POSITIVE truth in our own lives even if we aren’t feeling it.  It’s amazing how we find what we’re looking for.  Look for sadness and you can always find it.  Look for sunshine…you may just see a rainbow.

I can speak about believing in yourself so much, but I have those moments of doubt as well.  I think the biggest thing is that I purposely choose to focus on the positive.  I don’t deny the negative, but I choose to run to the bright side, to cling desperately to the good in myself, in my life, and in the people I come across.

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.”  ~Chuck Swindoll

Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

Posted: June 2, 2011 in Mama Says Namaste
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>So now we know the strength in Family, and that we are powerful beyond measure.  So next is, be happy!  My sis-in-love wrote a great post on it in her blog, Everyday Experiments.  A short quote from it:

Happiness is power. Happiness is carbonated consciousness. It wants to spill out and radiate and be articulated. And every time we downplay our joy we confuse our synapses. Our brain is firing smiley neurons and our mouth is short-circuiting them. Repeated happiness muffling numbs our senses. If you keep it under the surface too long, it just might stay there – a light under a bushel.
So do us all a favour. No matter what the weather, the odds, the circumstances, the company, if you’re happy and you know it, by all means, say so!  If You’re Happy and You Know It

Today I am happy.  Thirty years ago today my world started, and every day has been a new adventure.  Not every moment has been perfect, but it’s been a wild ride and I’ve loved living and learning through it. We took a bike ride this morning as a family, and I was once again reminded at how genuinely happy I am with life.  Just like riding a bike, it’s tough sometimes and kicks my butt, I get tired, hot, hungry, and ready to give up, but it’s so worth it.  Life is good.  Life is challenging.  And every challenge is met with an opportunity to learn, to grow, and to truly relish the happiness when it comes.  

And it always will, so be ready for it!

Believe in Yourself, Ladies!

Posted: May 30, 2011 in Mama Says Namaste
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“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”  ~Marianne Clements

Question 1:   Do you believe in yourself?  (Like really BELIEVE in yourself?)

Yep, I do.  I believe I have power.  So much power, that if I don’t purposefully use it for good, it automatically will have a negative effect on the world.  It’s a scary thought.  Think about the nay-sayers, the woe-is-me-ers (yep, it’s a new word), the doubters…and think about how much, when you are uncertain, these people have the power to control you. To bring you to their level.
When you are unsure, your mind can be crippled with fear.  You are afraid of an answer you don’t want, and your mind subconsciously goes to whatever negative thought it is, and all of a sudden, one seemingly innocent comment of “we don’t need that dessert” becomes a hard blow to your low self-esteem and what you heard was “good lord, you have enough fat on those hips to live off of for a while.”  Man, that’s all in your head, however one sentence from another catapulted it to become your reality.  Make sense? 

They(everyone else) apparently has the power to bash your self confidence.  You have the power to hang on to that to a point that it rips you up inside.  I’m not just talking about looks here, I’m talking about everything.  I’m talking about the fact that whatever I believe will become my reality.
We’re women.  What is the first thing we stop believing?

I’m beautiful.

When was the last time you told yourself that?  That old saying that “love is blind?”  Sometimes we forget that we can decide to love ourselves every day…to carry over that “love is blind” mentality not just to our significant others, but to ourselves.  Reverse roles. For all you mothers out there with stretchy skin that resembles something closer to jello than the majestic muscles that are just begging to break through the surface…right?

Imagine your beloved husband carrying the weight of each precious developing child – imagine his body being stretched out and sagging…all due to the strains of creating a child formed by your love. Would you look at him critically? When he tries his best but that six-pack is a little more like a one pack…what is most important? I know guys are the visual creatures, but I tell you, to negate your husband’s love for you just as you are can be a blow to him. And my thoughts are that you would kiss every spot on his imperfect body and tell him what you love most. I’m saying this all for me, as I’ve been running and running, trying to regain my twenty-year-old body that is fading into a thirty-year-old body, and cringing when I look in the mirror and those last few pounds seem to be glaring at me. I’m not getting in a bikini for a long time. But my husband loves me and all my imperfections. They may be my “war wounds” from childbearing, and I will continually work on it, but I have more important things to obsess over-like enjoying the moments when I am the object of my number one love’s desire-he’s looking at all that is ME, not the tiny bits of my imperfection. I can’t point out any imperfection in what I see in him, so why am I obsessing over him doing anything less for me?

Question 2:  Why? (or Why not)
You see, I’m a mom now.  The years in high school and college where I tested my “power” by controlling what I ate, being awful to my body, neglecting my heart and running to the opposite sex to give me validation…this is all in the past.  Because now I have two beautiful girls looking at me. This is a biggie-my children. They are too young now to be swept up in the objectifying culture. I know no matter how I fight it, they’ll get hit with it at some point in their lives. But I’ll be damned if they are going to get a negative self image in our home! They are looking at me and watching me-they watch me get dressed, put on makeup, do my hair…they sense stress, frustration, and they want to mirror it. From the day my oldest followed me in the bathroom and asked to wear makeup, we started talking about what really makes people beautiful. On Easter Sunday we were in the car and she was playing with her pretend makeup she got as a birthday gift, and she was wiping it on her face. I asked her what she was doing and she said “washing it off.” I asked what makes her beautiful and she looked at me, smiled, and said “my heart.”

Your children are watching you and copying you-they are looking to you for what is important, and to see what confidence is. I want my girls to be proud of their bodies-to work to make themselves beautiful from the inside out-no matter how hard you push exercise, fix your makeup and hair and wear sexy clothes, what radiates most is what is beneath the surface-love and RESPECT for the child of God that you are and confidence that God embraces every imperfection in you so you can walk proud and honor your Creator…this is what I want my girls to see. Dressing up needs to be fun, not agonizing and a testament to my identity.

I used the focus of beauty for this…I could go off on a soapbox about smarts, about compassion, about significance…but I just so happened to have just recently gone off on a soapbox about this in a blog where a wonderful lady lamented over her ugly body and why she would never be what she used to be.

Power. 
Believing in yourself. 

The quote above…where you limit your power, you hold back and you hesitate.  You question your inadequacies and you are afraid every impact from the world is a tribute to how little you are.  But you aren’t.

“You are powerful beyond measure.” 

You are the first step in changing the world.  If you don’t believe in you, how can anyone else?  If you want to change the world, you have to start within.  You must “be the change you wish to see in the world” (Ghandi).  You have to have faith that you do have the power.  You are significant.  And one person has the power of the ripple effect to impact the world.  And you are that one person.

“When I was young and free and my imagination had no limits I dreamed of changing the world. As I grew older and wiser I discovered the world would not change, so I shortened my sights somewhat and decided to change only my country. Bu it too seemed immovable. As I grew into my twilight years, in one last desperate attempt, I settled for changing only my family, those closest to me. But alas they would have none of it. And now as I lie on my deathbed I suddenly realized: If I had only changed myself first, then by example I would have changed my family. From their inspiration and encouragement I would have been able to better my country and, who knows, maybe even change the world.”
Inscribed words on the tomb of an Anglican Bishop (1100 A.D) in Westminster Abbey

(and if you do believe in yourself and also want to get something pretty and girly just to bask in your awesomeness, my friend Rachel has a kickin’ etsy shop called LoveIsRisingthat has great finds, including pre-ordering some fun new shirts – proceeds go to help them adopt!)

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